Friday, March 30, 2007

"Bam Bam" Bonsall

It must be child star day here at The Unpleasantness, because what else could explain back-to-back posts about child stars? Brian Bonsall, the jump-the-shark baby from '80s mega-hit Family Ties, was arrested in Boulder, CO, for knocking around his girlfriend. I'm thinking it probably had something to do with him asking "Who's Brian Bonsall, bitch? WHO'S BRIAN BONSALL????" and her honestly not knowing the answer.

Fun Fact!
Did you know Brian Bonsall later went on to play Worf's son on Star Trek: The Next Generation, making him the first person responsible for two shows jumping the shark before the age of 15? Suck it, Ted McGinley!


Fun Fact II!
Did you know Brian Bonsall has absolutely nothing to do with Ms. Hotty McHotbox Kim Smith? Well, now you do!

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 2:29 PM | | Abuse

Malcolm in the middle of the Pack

I have a friend who looked exactly like Frankie Muniz long before Frankie Muniz even existed. Even though he tries to laugh it off, we all know that inside he's crying. So I'm thinking it might be some consolation to my friend that Frankie is moving away from acting (if that's what you want to call it) and towards a more manly thing like auto racing. Of course, Frankie may end up in a horribly disfiguring accident and the universe would balance itself out by having my friend attacked by a rabid howler monkey. With a switchblade. That knows karate.

Now, after spending so much time talking about Frankie Muniz, my friend and monkeys, here's a picture of Hilary Duff, who was in a movie with Frankie and has spent all her time since washing off the cooties. If my suspicions are correct, she's been using the drool soaked love letters I've been sending her to do so.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 1:24 PM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/30/2007

Such determination is rarely seen in bird watching, but I gotta admit this guy really means it. Immediately after this picture was taken, he turned around and slayed that giant behind him.

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:02 AM | | Abuse

Thursday, March 29, 2007

What's This?

Is this:

A) a Martian mountain range?

B) Britney Spears' chins?

C) a map of the Suez Canal?

Scroll down for the answer!






































If you answered D) None of the Above, you were correct! You're also a free thinker, because that wasn't an option. Or, you're just a jerk who can't follow the rules and should be purged from society.

What you were looking at is Joss Stone's butt as it sneaks out of her skirt. I'm not sure who Joss Stone is, but if I ever see her sitting at the mall like this I'll promptly introduce myself. As a butt inspector. I'll have a badge and everything.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 1:22 PM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/29/2007

They call this guy "Neck," supposedly because he doesn't have one. Based on that naming convention, people should start calling me "Morals." Or "Common Sense." Or "Hygiene." Any one of 'em will work.

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:26 AM | | Abuse

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oral Exercise

Wanna have some real fun? Say "Shannyn Sossamon." Fun, isn't it? Your mouth get's to make so many interesting and unique movements. Say it really fast over and over again and you may actually end up hurting yourself! Shannynsossamonshannynsossamonshannynsossamon! See! I told you!

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 12:49 PM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/28/2007

This reminds me of something you might see in a horror movie that's a remake of something originally done in Japan. It's scary, but intriguing. Or lame. Lame and intriguing mean the same thing, right?

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 12:46 PM | | Abuse

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's good to be the Prince

It must be nice to be the future King of England, because you can get away with groping a chick's boob and having both her and her mother laugh it off. Then you take a leggy blonde back to your barracks (?!?!?) and kick her out at 4am because you're tired. Then you wake up in the morning and drive around a tank, running over or shooting at whatever you damned well please.

I can just imagine what William's itinerary looks like...

10am - Wake up. Drink three pints.

11:30am - Call Grand-mum, tell commanding officer to piss off cuz I'm on
the phone with the freakin' Queen.

11:35am - Drink four pints.

11:45am - Call pops. Rub it in that he'll never be the king because
he married horse face.

12noon - Lament mother's death.

12:01am - Get in tank. Drive to pub. Buy pints for entire
crew. Blow up pub.

2pm - Nap

7pm - Wake up. Eat steak and kidney pie.

8pm - Take Harrier jet to club. Grope
everything. Shove tongue down throats. All of them.

3am - Call girlfriend drunk. Tell her to suck it up. Throw in
"who be the king, beyatch!"

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 11:19 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/27/2007

I've said it before and I'll say it again: bartenders love me. This one has to because I accused him of being my long-l0st father and now he pacifies me with alcohol as opposed to making up for years of not providing guidance and financial support. Thanks a lot, dad! That's no way to treat your own son! (Please don't stop).

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:22 AM | | Abuse

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hot! Hot! Hot!

It's one of the first beautiful days of the season today, which means all the ladies downtown are going to be dressed inappropriately (read: awesomely) skimpy today for work and that they'll flood the beer gardens to throw back margaritas as soon as five o'clock hits. I think I'll join them, only when I order my margarita, I'll ask that they hold the tequila, triple sec and ice and just put bourbon in the glass. You see, that's just how I roll. No, not always drinking bourbon, but drinking bourbon, calling it a margarita and making clicking noises at women as they walk on by. They love it because they don't have any choice!

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 3:09 PM | | Abuse

Ask and ye shall receive


The other day I made mention of keeping a back-up supply of bourbon in my shoe. Little did I know that I didn't have to constantly deal with sopping wet (yet delicious) socks in order to support my habit. Check out the Dram Sandle.
At first I thought it was called the Dream Sandle...not the Dram Sandle. Do you blame me?

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:19 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/26/2007

What's better than one bird? Two birds. What's better than two birds? Three birds. What's better than three birds? Four birds. What's better than four birds? A naughty picture of Eva Green.



(hey...I finally saw Casino Royale. Gimme a break!)

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:03 AM | | Abuse

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Bird Watching - 03/25/2007

Oh mommy.

Labels:

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 4:49 AM | | Abuse

If you've gotten this far, congratulations. You can read more by going to the archives. Or you can just imagine what else might be here without clicking anything. Might I recommend a fine bottle of bourbon to accompany your fantasies? I thought so.