Friday, March 16, 2007

Bird Watching Extravaganza!

I'll be out of town for a few days, so in my absence I thought I'd leave behind some pictures I've taken on my bird watching expeditions. And as an extra-special super-dooper bonus you'll get the biting, witty commentary you've all come to know, love and respect. I'm just like a respected dignitary. Or priest. Or a parrot with an impressive vocabulary.


This one didn't really want to be on camera, so she used her superhuman speed to blur her face. But you can still tell she's smiling, so she must be enjoying herself. Who wouldn't while giving me the finger?


This is my buddy Jules. He's a real bad-ass, if you consider living in the suburbs and driving a mini-van bad-ass. I've seen him rough up PTA members just for looking at him wrong!


With all those bottles in the background it took me quite some time to realize this was a picture of someone flipping me off! It was like one of those Where's Waldo? pictures, only with just one person right smack dab in the middle of the scene! I can't believe it took me three hours to find her!


They call this guy "the Dark One." This has nothing to do with the color of his skin, but rather that a shroud of darkness descends wherever he goes!

This particular girl gave me the finger the night we all went out to celebrate her birthday. Would you believe she's 78 years old! I didn't either. That's why after she passed out drunk I enlisted her in the Army. The Mexican Army.

Bartenders love me because I'm a friendly drunk and having me as a customer is like winning the lottery. This guy drives a Lamborghini, lives in a mansion and is married to six nymphomaniac supermodels, and that's just from my tips!


Have a great weekend everyone. I'll be back as soon as the heat's off...er...I mean...vacation is over!

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 12:06 PM | | Abuse

Hep is Hip


When I first heard that Bar Rafaeli may have Hepatitis A, I was relieved that we don''t have that club in my town so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Then I realized I was thinking of Bar Louis, which we actually do have, has crappy food and service, and so I suppose I wouldn't care if it had Hep A anyway. When I found out what a Bar Rafaeli was, I suddenly became extremely concerned over this development and did a little research. Turns out one of Wolfgang Puck's catering employees has the Hep and has been working at a bunch of star-studded events. Just freakin' great. It's bad enough I have to get $600 haircuts and buy all my clothes from Armani to be celebrity cool, but now I have to get a damned liver disease too! Is there no end to this?

(I should note that this really isn't new news, but instead an excuse for me to post a picture of Bar Rafaeli. To prove that, here's one more. I'm all about full disclosure.)



Posted by The Unpleasantness at 12:05 PM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/16/2007

This is my friend the Osterizer. He asked that I share with you that he's the worst volleyball player ever. Although, that's not true. The worst volleyball player ever was a malnourished houseplant that used to be my best friend, right around the time Top Gun came out and everyone was doing that real cool high five. Of course, that was all before people loved me.

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:50 AM | | Abuse

Thursday, March 15, 2007

That's so sexy!


This is a photo from a slideshow at mkeonline.com featuring a recent bellydancing exhibition at the Milwaukee Gay Arts Center.

I was torn over whether or not I should block out the breasts in this picture as I've so diligently done before, but then I wasn't sure if man-boobs really constituted nudity that needed to censored. Although that churning feeling in my stomach every time I look at this picture may make me reconsider. Let it be known now by everyone that bellydancing has forever lost any allure it ever had for me, unless it's done by Barbara Eden in her I Dream of Jeannie outfit. Or Larry Hagman. I'm not too picky.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 11:29 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/15/2007

Wow. Some people love me so much and just get so damned excited to see me, they can't help but grin from ear to ear. And give me the finger. And hold a drink. Talk about multi-tasking!

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 11:28 AM | | Abuse

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Katharine Mc"Pee"

I'm one of those guys who likes to pretend women don't have normal bodily functions like peeing, pooping or farting, so I was surprised when I found this picture of Katharine McPhee posing like she's about to pop a squat in the forest attractive. It could be that since I know she's not really about to make a Lincoln Log that I find it hot, or that all that time I've spent in golden shower chat rooms is finally rubbing off on me.

You can see more pictures of Ms. McPhee here, most of them in non-potty poses.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 1:30 PM | | Abuse

SJP is BFU

At some point in history the world must have experienced a collective beer-goggling incident because that's the only way I can explain Sarah Jessica Parker being passed off as good looking. She's like that girl you pick up in a dimly lit bar after too many shots of tequila that you insist is the most beautiful woman ever, only to have sobriety and sunshine later reveal to you that she's actually a donkey in low-rise jeans. Not that that's ever happened to me, I'm just sayin'.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 10:09 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/14/2007

This is Ardy. He saw my buddy and me drinking at a bar last night and noticed I was having bourbon, so he bought us each a shot of Woodford Reserve thinking we should give it a try. Little did Ardy know that 19% of my blood is made of Woodford Reserve, so, y'know, I've kinda had it before. But I gotta thank the guy for showing me the love!

UPDATE!
I forgot to mention that Ardy owns a bar in Evansville, Wisconsin called The Night Owl. If you're ever in his neck of the woods, stop in and show him the love!

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:29 AM | | Abuse

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Happy Anniversary!

Today marks the 226th anniversary of the discovery of Uranus. Aw hell...I can't even continue with this post.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 3:04 PM | | Abuse

Official Endorsement

While we here at The Unpleasantness prefer to remain neutral when it comes to politics, we just can't help but love 2008 presidential candidate Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey. A satanic vampire running as the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party's candidate, Sharkey stands for impaling President Bush once he's elected to office.

Now that's one hell of a platform.

It should also be noted that the 42-year-old Sharkey has a 19-year-old wife. You da' man, Sharkey, you da' man!

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 11:57 AM | | Abuse

Snoop Dogg Does Drugs

Officer Sven: You-a know-a if-a we-a get-a one-a more-a bust-a Captain-a Gunderson-a promised-a us-a a month's-a supply-a of-a Swedish-a meatballs-a?

Officer Björn: Really-a?

Officer Sven: Yes-a! And-a I-a hear-a that-a Snoop-a Dogg-a is-a coming-a to-a town-a!

Officer Björn: This-a is-a gonna be-a so-a easy-a!


Snoop Dogg was recently arrested in Sweden for drug possession and I suspect for just being too shnizzle-tastic for the Swedes. If busting Snoop Dogg for drugs is a sign of good police work, then my suspicion that that Elton John is gay means I have great gay-dar.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 9:28 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/13/2007

Not one, but two, people love me!

I'm awesome!

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:39 AM | | Abuse

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sober Girls Are...Sober


I'd have to say it's been firmly established here that drunk girls are fun. On the flipside of that I think it's safe to say that sober girls are, well, sober. Not a lot you can say about that, other than, oh yeah, sober girls are not fun. I mean, could you find a picture of three girls at a drinking related event having less fun? Maybe you could if the picture was taken right after one of them had been told her boyfriend was cheating on her with her brother, but even that would be a stretch.

This picture is from a FUEL Milwaukee event. FM is a regular gathering of young professional Milwaukeeans. It's also the polar opposite of the Milwaukee Happy Hour. Now, I'm not saying you need to get all drunk and crazy to have a good time, just that you should get all drunk and crazy to have a good time.

Just as a reminder, here's a picture from MHH. See the difference? (hint: There's a girl kissing another girl. Now that's fun!)

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 1:13 PM | | Abuse

Britney Spears' Underwear Tries To Escape

This picture is from Worth1000's That's Embarassing! series of Photoshopped images of embarassing moments. Although I'm not entirely convinced this image was actually Photoshopped, considering that if I were her underwear I would do everything within my underwear power to get as far away from her crotch as possible. In fact, I imagine there'd be some sort of rehab center where I could go recover with the underwear of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and we'd share our past traumas with one another in group therapy, only we'd be constantly interrupted by the screams coming from Rosie O'Donnell's escaped g-string.

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 9:50 AM | | Abuse

Van Halen Dead, Walking

I've heard rumors that Keith Richards has had to undergo full blood transfusions because of his rock and roll lifestyle. Little did I know that Eddie Van Halen was hanging outside the clinic waiting to inject himself with the blood they took out. Maybe he did it to somehow achieve the rockstar immortality Richards has, or maybe he just did it to spite Valerie Bertinelli so that someday people will look at these pictures and say, "why was Valerie Bertinelli once married to a zombie?" But seriously, Eddie, was that necessary? I've found that all it takes to spite Val is kicking her kitten. I'm not sure if that really spites her, but it sure makes me feel better. And isn't that what revenge is really all about?

Posted by The Unpleasantness at 8:50 AM | | Abuse

Bird Watching - 03/12/2007

This is my friend T.J., who flew into town from Hungary just to show me how much he loves me. You can tell he's been in another country for quite some time just by looking at the position of his finger. Foreigners...they're just so backwards!

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Posted by The Unpleasantness at 7:43 AM | | Abuse

If you've gotten this far, congratulations. You can read more by going to the archives. Or you can just imagine what else might be here without clicking anything. Might I recommend a fine bottle of bourbon to accompany your fantasies? I thought so.