If one of your life-long dreams has been to own a three-dimensional replica of a crazy-ass bald Britney Spears, dream no longer. Just visit this page, hit print and start folding! Just beware, it's awful lifelike and there's a good chance it will scare pets and make you uneasy whenever you look at it. Just like the real Britney Spears!
I like shiny things, and this finger is surrounded by them. But frankly, I think this one only loves me half-heartedly.Labels: Watch the birdie
Someone named JLaRock is claiming Milwaukee bar EVE discriminates...I am not a bad looking girl, overweight or disfigured but everytime I try to go
to EVE I get told that I need to be on a list or have a stamp or something from
the manager in order to get in. It's funny though how when I go with my friend
that is tall, blonde and looks like a super model there is no such thing as a
list or a stamp.
Some people find beauty in nature. Others find it in art. Me, I find it in the blurry images of top-shelf liquor. I also find it in the bottles of said liquor. And the bartender who served it to me. And that nice man who shared his peanut bowl with me. And that girl sitting at the end of the bar. Wait, that is a girl, right? Oh, who cares, it'll all be good in the morning.
After knocking up his then-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, it's now rumored that Patriots QB Tom Brady has gotten supermodel Gisele Bundchen pregnant. Keep in mind this comes only a month after the announcement that Moynahan is pregnant.
Some people love me. And some people really love me. Judging by the look of excitement here, I'm going to say this bird falls in the latter.Labels: Watch the birdie
I have this friend who takes great pride in the fact that he'll sleep with anyone famous. And when I say anyone, I mean anyone. That's why it's always so uncomfortable whenever Ray Romano is in the room and Angela Lansbury keeps calling him drunk off her keester at 3 in the morning. Me, I stick with the infamous or the insane. So I felt a little odd when I saw this picture and the first thing that occurred to me was that I would tag that.
If you thought the pictures at Milwaukee Happy Hour were only about hot girls or drunk girls you thought wrong. Sometimes they're about drunk babies. If I didn't know better, I'd say this might be one of my kids, but all the kids I have are somewhere in southeast Asia waiting for Angelina Jolie to adopt them.
Leave it to the folks at Milwaukee Happy Hour to remind all of us what's able to happen to our faces when we drink. At least, I hope it's drinking that caused this. Otherwise, that girl is made of some sort of goo and we'll need to get Batman on this case pronto!
If it weren't for the fact that she was wearing a bikini, thus causing the previously-thought-to-be-impossible anti-erection, I'd say this was the best picture of Kirsten Dunst ever, because she's covering her face with a Carl Sagan book. I think Sagan may have a lawsuit on his hands, but he'll have to get in line. My eyes! My eyes!Labels: Watch the birdie
I have this recurring nightmare that after gorging myself at Taco Bell and while driving home, I suddenly realize that what I just ate is making a sudden run for the border, so it's imperative that I start driving as fast as I can. But then a cop pulls up behind me, turns on his lights and insists I pull over, which I do in spite of my undeniable need to expunge the evidence of my most recent meal. As he walks up to my car and I'm performing a clench unlike any clench I've ever clenched before, I imagine my face would look something like this.
Still not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.
Just to show you that people's love for me knows no bounds, here's a picture of a guy sharing it with great enthusiasm.Labels: Watch the birdie
So, I guess there's this singer or dancer or musician or something like that named Christina Aguilera. Frankly, I'd never heard of her before today, but I gotta admit I'm seriously impressed by her body painting abilities, and want to see more of it. Much more of it. But first I'll need to get more fluids in my body because after seeing these pictures, I think I'm about to pass out. When I do, please just let me be for a while, especially if there's a smile on my face.
Once, this girl I was dating made me sit down and watch a half hour of Dane Cook's stand-up routine on You Tube. Apparently a bunch of her friends thought he was the funniest thing since sliced bread, which now makes a lot of sense because sliced bread really isn't that funny at all. In fact, sliced bread is almost exactly the opposite of funny, unless it's buttered with Father Guido Sarducci, in which case it would be the funniest thing ever. Note how with all that I just said, nothing points to Dane Cook being anywhere near funny. That's because he and his fans are all tools.
Sienna Miller, who took morphine to research her role as Edie Sedgwick in the movie Factory Girl, recently revealed she takes drugs because "they're fun."They're f**k loads of fun. If I had a drug of choice it would be magic mushrooms.
If someone had ever told me there'd be a movie starring Martin Lawrence, Tim Allen, John Travolta and William H. Macy about middle-aged guys riding motorcycles I'd have punched them in the face and told them to stop taking me for a fool. Well, I guess I'd have to take that punch back and apologize. Then I'd have to drive to Hollywood and punch all four of these actors, starting with Tim Allen because he owes me money. But maybe that's why he took the role, to pay off all his debts. As for Martin Lawrence, I think he's just trying to occupy his time until he makes Martin: The Movie, which he'd better get done soon because the older he gets the worse he looks in drag.
Saturday night I had the luxury of witnessing Marquette's victory over Pittsburgh in a Bradley Center suite. One thing people may be unaware of is that these suites are always stocked with gigantic cans of beer. The two beer limit the suite owner usually imposes is therefore misleading, as I typically end up drinking somewhere between 10 and 15 gallons of MGD each time I'm there. Coincidentally, after the first beer, I also realize I'd make a much better mascot than any team has to offer and attempt to prove it right then and there. This last time, I was a monkey in the fetal position.On a completely unrelated topic, I also discovered how easy it is to take random pictures of people in a gyro joint at 3am without anyone noticing. Most people would take note of a man with a camera-phone pretending to be monkey holding a gigantic beer can, but apparently Greek food has this way of making people ignore the obvious.
I don't watch American Idol, mainly because I prefer my musicians to have earned their success the hard way, with things like rehearsing in their parents' garages, heroin addictions and making deals with the devil. Another reason I don't watch it is because apparently there are a bunch of hotties that get on the show but are encouraged to keep their clothes on, in spite of a history of taking them off.
I'm generally not a fan of chain bars. For one thing, if I'm kicked out of one I end up on some sort of "list" that gets me kicked out of all of them. And since I'm not a fan of them to begin with, I end up being kicked out a whole lot. I suppose that could be a good thing, since I'm sort of consolidating my efforts when it comes to being banned from some place, so, you know, silver lining and all.
