Bird Watching - 05/09/2007
In sixteen years that bottle won't have milk in it. But the finger and expression will still be the same.
Submit your Bird Watching photos to theunpleasantness@yahoo.com
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Dear Diablo,
My life seems empty and meaningless. I spend too much time alone, food
doesn't taste good, I sleep poorly and derive little satisfaction from the
things that formerly brought me great pleasure. Any ideas how I might get
out of this funk?
Desperate in Milwaukee
Dear DIM,
1. Get a life
2. Get a dog.
3. Drink better bourbon, and more of it more frequently.
4. Don't ever attempt contact me in any way, shape or form again, or I will
slap a restraining order on you so quick and hard you will beg for mercy. I
may also have you hunted down for sport and ritualistically slaughtered to
slake my unending bloodlust.
You're a pathetic whiner.
Love,
El Diablo
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Don't jinx the Brewers thing, ahole. Anywho, [name removed to protect the
innocent], FROLF today in the sunshine. Right when you get off of work on 62nd
and Keef (rhyms with queef, the front grunt or the action that was related to my
friend [name removed to protect the guilty] in confidence and then
that confidence was broken and my course of life was altered, I could have been
married to [name removed to protect everyone] and my house would have
been clean but I would have cats instead of dogs so lets call it even). FROLF
won't take you an hour and it is most enjoyable.
So, here is my lastest master plan. Evidently, my fiancee thinks I am
disgusting when I get drunk. Evidently, it was always that way and she never
told me. It has just now become more and more noticeable. She says things like,
"Gees, I didn't know you like Jagermeister that much!" and "You smell like
booze." She has even broken down my latest defense tactic, the stress of work.
When she says that I drink to much (which has now been regulated to pretty much
just Fridays), I say that I work with cancer kids. Now she says that I always
use that as an excuse. That's an effin tough stance. She doesn't even care about
the cancer kids. Heartless.
So my new tactic is honesty. It is time to stand up for my testicles. I
am unashamed and unabashed in my hedonism and manhood. I work and I do the
dishes and I go to school and the bills are paid. I can get effin drunk when and
where I want. If I want a drink I am going to have it, dammit. And then I am
going to have five. Get outamy face woman and watch out 'cause I'm horney. Hug
that pillow. It's midnight and I started at 3 in the afternoon and I am going to
light this cigarette and open another beer because of these nutz I got palmed
right here. I would make you feel beter if you got down on your pretty little
knees and just smooched them right effin now. And then go to the store and get
me another pack of Camel lights. And effin hard pack this time, comprende? I'll
pay you back tomorrow, toots. Thanks.
I think this'll work out for me.
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Few people know where most of my bird watching takes place. This fellow does. So today not only marks the first ever reader submitted bird watching, but also the first ever video bird watching. It also marks the first time I've ever tried Ethiopian food, but that's really neither here nor there.
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
N = C + {fb(cm) . fb(tc)} + fb(Ts) + fc . ta
N = force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon.
fb = function of the bacon type.
fc = function of the condiment/filling effect.
Ts = serving temperature. tc = cooking time.
ta = time or duration of application of condiment/filling.
cm = cooking method.
C = Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to say it with flowers. It's far too cliche and, to be frank, sneaking into my neighbor's yard to steal roses is getting riskier and riskier with every passing day, especially when I give them back to her as a sign of my affection and a plea to re-consider the restraining order. Seriously, how am I supposed to shower if she won't let me in her bathroom?
Back to the point. Here's an awesome meat font, even though it's really not so much a font as it is a bunch of pictures of raw beef packaged in the shapes of letters. I can honestly say this has to be the most mouth watering font ever in the history of anything!
[h/t swissmiss]
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Labels: Watch the birdie
Fun Fact II!
Did you know Brian Bonsall has absolutely nothing to do with Ms. Hotty McHotbox Kim Smith? Well, now you do!